Parenting Calmly

By: Lindy Suchik 
Date: Tuesday, July 1, 2025

Has anyone observed a woman serenely having a conversation with their toddler and
wondering. . . HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Parenting calmly is possible, but only with
intentionality. It requires a decision to respond and not react, to not allow emotions to
get in the way of healthy communication, and to keep tones at a reasonable level, neither
loud nor squeaky. It is definitely possible, but after the decision to parent calmly, it takes
determination, discipline, persistence, and practice. Lots of practice.
What is unseen by the observer of calm parenting is what has gone before, and what
continues to be needed throughout the parenting process, from age zero to . . . should
the age be 18, or older? Maybe much older?

A minimum of four conditions are necessary to consistently parent calmly ~

1. Sleep is a must. It should be assumed that the parent who is having a calm
   conversation with a rebellious toddler is consistently getting their required sleep
   needs met. How? It probably depends on the person and the situation. Getting
   sufficient sleep, whether or not young children and babes still in diapers and
   cribs are involved, can be difficult. It just seems much harder for new parents
   with all the midnight feedings and diaper changes. What to do?
   Sufficient sleep for may mean going to bed as soon as the littles go down. That’s
   okay. Put the kids to bed, then head to your room for a long night’s sleep, or at
   least a few hours of interrupted sleep. It may seem like this is a good time to catch
   up on dishes and other chores, but sleep is more important than a clean kitchen.
   Sufficient sleep may be napping in your car at lunch. That’s okay. Grabbing a
   sandwich to eat in the car, then shutting down for a little while, is a great way to
   revive oneself for whatever the rest of the day may bring. If a car is not available,
   where is there a place to find alone time for a short snooze? Find it and use it.
   Sufficient sleep may mean occasionally hiring an overnight babysitter or going
   away for an overnighter. That’s okay. Done with a spouse, this should have a
   great impact on the relationship as well as catching up on needed sleep. Doing so
   is an investment in the relationship, family, sleep, and, in some cases, sanity. It’s
   okay.
   
   
2. Consistency is required. Make a decision, every morning, to parent calmly.
   Write a note on the bathroom mirror. Send texts to yourself. Set reminders
   throughout the day that parenting calmly will happen. Breathe when stress is
   coming. Often stress can be anticipated (such as five minutes before the school
   bus arrives) so start breathing techniques early. Know what triggers stress and
   plan for them. If getting in and out of the house, or even the car, tends to be
   stressful then create plans to reduce the stress, with the mantra that heading out
   can be a serene experience. Is it better to preload the car and get children in last,
   or the opposite? Is there a place for keys so there is no last-minute scrambling to
   find them? If something happens to upset the moment, remember to respond,
   not react. No minor challenge will last more than a few minutes, so counting to
   ten, breathing deeply, closing your eyes moment and deciding to parent calmly,
   all help.
   
   
3. Call it determination or commitment. People who are successful in life do
   not get there by accident. Good sales people, for instance, study what other
   successful sales reps have done, emulate what will work for them, and then put it
   into practice. The best athletes in the world, whether it’s the number one golfer or
   the worst quarter back in the NFL, have something in common - they practice.
   Even after winning a game or match, the athletes are out on their practice field
   the next day, practicing. Practice parenting. If a challenge is expected then
   practice with a spouse or friend. Role playing may bring up unexpected twists,
   and will reduce stress during the actual encounter, if it comes. By planning
   ahead, and practicing, commitment is being confirmed. You are determined to do
   this!
   
   
4. Parenting calmly requires forgiveness. Yes, forgiveness, of both littles and
   yourself. A two year old doesn’t understand that they are being stubborn. Forgive
   them. Parents can’t always see, in the moment, that they messed up. When it’s
   noticed, whether it’s pointed out or realized from within, forgive yourself.
   Parenting is a tough job, but just like at work, when in error and you seek
   forgiveness of colleagues, ask forgiveness of your child. Apologizing is healthy for
   both of you. Children learn that parents can make mistakes – that they are
   human, too. Apologizing treats the child with respect and sets a great example.
   The next time a child needs to apologize, they will have a model to follow.
   Apologies should use the word I, as in, I am sorry, not just word sorry. They
   should repeat the offense, possibly use a name, and request forgiveness, as in, “I
   am sorry I hurt you, brother, by trying to put you into the dryer. Will you please
   forgive me?” Parents should use similar words when it is their turn, “I’m sorry,
   son, for losing my temper and yelling. Will you please forgive me?” A parental
   timeout may even be appropriate.

Chaos is unwelcome and unnecessary and can be avoided in the parenting world. It does
take a lot of effort, but parenting calmly can become a habit. Make sure you are well-
rested; be prepared for the daily grind, especially at first as new goals are set and
achieved; commit daily to parenting calmly; remember that forgiveness is important
and goes a long way.