Parenting Intuitively

By: Lindy Suchik 
Date: Tuesday, June 17, 2025

There are at three least sources from where our knowledge comes.

1.     What do the experts say? How many books on babies and childrearing have been written? It’s impossible to read every parenting book and article out there because the volume is overwhelming. Even as one expert states what absolutely, positively has to be done, another equally impressive expert will say the opposite. In addition, expert opinions change over time. What grandmothers believed as 20 year old brides and young mothers may be in complete opposition to what is spouted today. Still, listening to experts, or at least learning what the pundits say, is one source of parenting influence. 

2.    Your experience counts! People rely on their own experiences, both bad and good. Hasn’t everyone, at some time in their childhoods, said, “I’ll never do this when I’m the parent”? For instance, a person may think to themselves, even promise themselves, that they’ll never say to their children, “because I said so, that’s why.” They thought it was a silly answer when they were six and they vowed to not give their children silly answers. If someone’s experience is negative, they can choose to avoid similar behaviors, and in fact do the opposite of what was modeled.
Likewise, childhood experiences that were positive can be emulated and built upon. The loving mother who, when milk is spilled, gives their child a sponge rather than a lecture, is imparting excellent parenting skills to their child. This child will grow up with sponges and hugs ready to share with their children. 

It’s not just parents who influence our parenting styles. If teachers were poor communicators, then a person can choose to intentionally improve communication skills with the next generation. If people had unrealistic expectations, then parents can learn from that and intentionally foster a world of achievable moments. In the working world, a boss may say to an employee, “I am listening, and I do hear you, however, with my knowledge, I am choosing to go another way.” This manager is respecting their colleague, and communicating their respect beautifully, but still making the best decision for their department. This type of communication can be copied into the parental world. 

3.      Trust your gut. In today’s vernacular, people need to learn to trust their gut. It’s not that people should not listen to others (see number one above). In fact, in the advice of many counselors there is wisdom. The question is what is the right path for a parent on any given day and with any given child. For parents who have more than one child, it is known that what works for one kiddo may or may not work for the next child. Further, what worked this week may or may not work next week. The same child who loves broccoli at twelve months old may be refusing all green vegetables a few months later. So, a parent needs to trust themselves and act on their belief.

It is probably true that everyone, at some point, has observed great parenting. It may have been when a family visited a museum or beach and saw another parent, in a very chaotic moment, on one knee to be eye-to-eye with their overtired and upset child, lovingly communicate. These moments can be observed and internalized so they can duplicated, from the gut, when parents find themselves in similar situations.

Using a combination of advice from experts, life experiences, and gut instincts everyone can parent intuitively. Just because a person asks for advice does not mean it has to be taken. Instead, consider the thought, the situation at hand, how tired we are at the moment, the child’s temperament, and roll it all into a great big ball and choose how to respond, and . . . do all those calculations in a fraction of a second.

The best we can do is the best we can do. Do people make mistakes as parents? Probably; even absolutely. But as people learn to trust their instincts, believe in themselves, seek to be the best parent they can be, and remember that love and discipline are synonymous, intuitive parenting evolves.